Apparently Bill Gates’ house isn’t big enough. According to News.com:

“…some changes are needed to make it more livable. Gates representatives said the home was designed for a bachelor and the family has found that it ‘isn’t fitting as they expected it to’…”

It’s a classic example of why user testing is always necessary. Imagine, he’s been living in a Beta version all this time.

Behold the latest aov feature, über-experience: rock concerts remembered. The feature is comprised of a series of transcendent rock concert experiences remembered fondly but with varying degrees of accuracy.

Thanks to Kent, Peter, and Dennis for having lives more interesting than our own.

Enjoy über-experience: rock concerts remembered »

For those that missed the link last week, I encourage you, a confused Canadian (or a disenfranchised American looking north), to read Matt’s article for ForgetMagazine.com: How I Inadvertently Came to Understand the Appeal of Stompin’ Tom Connors, Canadian Icon.

It helped me to come grips with my inability to appropriately balance living in Canada with not liking hockey (the solution being to shut up about it).

First, a confession: I am a web stats junkie. I get some kind of power rush from knowing that people are visiting our website.

The stats I love so much include keywords from popular search engines that have led people to aov. Some make sense, others do not. Some are interesting, others disturbing.
I have posted keywords on aov before. However, here is a a more in-depth sampling of such keywords with my thoughts on each:

• “Mike Lecky”
  I guess search engines work. We did an interview with Mike.
   
• “Acts of Volition”
  Again, search engines appear to work.
   
• “music video women Hiphop rock”
  We have written each of these words independently. However, I don’t think they have ever been used in conjunction.
   
• “futureshop sucks”
  Yes, I agree.
   
• “holy shit”
  aov has never included either word (although we do like to use profanity here and there).
   
• “matt slocum pictures, leigh nash cute, leigh nash MP3 download”
  Matt and Leigh are from Sixpence None the Richer. Read why they don’t suck.
   
• “napster judgement 2001”
  Napster. It will erase your mind.
   
• “cute kitten photos”
  This is matt’s fault.
   
• “something about the moffats”
  Yes, there is something about those boys, isn?t there?
   
• “Porland”
  It’s sad when search stats point out spelling errors (on a semi-related note, Portland with a ‘t’ is a cool place).
   
• “what is volition?”
  Don’t ask us. Look it up.
   
• “I want hug card”
  Don’t we all? Here you go.
   
• “matthew dorrell”
  He claims not to search the web for himself. I’m sceptical. Prove me wrong. Show yourself!
   
• “microsoft office monopoly”
  I was never good at monopoly. Microsoft Office is a monopoly. It’s also smarter than I am.
   
• “I do not know nuthin about the money launderin”
  I’m afraid I do know about money launderin’.
   
• “lemony snicket”
  Like matt said, “Lemony Snicket – suddenly and inexplicably everywhere”.
   
• “Sex story grandmother”
  A classic case of looking for love in all the wrong places. However, matt did once use these three words in relatively close proximity.
   
• “morphine preperation”
  I have never had morphine. Apparently I am the only one in this situation here at aov. See the following posts for more info:
  • Monkeys and morphine
  • I rock hard (A Christmas Greeting).
  • I rock harder (A Valentine’s Day Greeting).

   

• “the most disturbing movie”
  You asked for it. It’s Babe: Pig in the City.
   
• “who killed biggie smalls?”
  Record companies have whole departments dedicated to faking celebrity deaths. I though I had already explained this.
   
• “Bluntside the Awning”
  How do you bluntside the awning?
  Simple: press Down + Down + Grind (8 on the Keypad). Confused? You should be.
  Let me explain.
   
• “The truth about advertising”
  Searching the web for truth can be very frustrating. However, there is a video called Truth in Advertising that is quite amusing.

I have secured tickets secured to U2‘s second Montreal show on the Elevation Tour.

You’re tired of Bono’s rock star preaching you say? What’s that? I can’t hear you. I’m too busy throwing my panties on the stage and weeping like a school-girl when they play songs from Joshua Tree.*

I remember another potentially interesting hospital story. It doubles as a drug story which are also popular or ‘hip’ among teens and twentysomethings. I hope it isn’t one of those ‘you had to be there’ tales.

For a week after my surgery I had to stay in ICU (intensive care unit) full of tubes of various shapes and sizes and textures. I also had those little cardiogram stickies all over my chest with wires leading into a heart monitor. This bothered me because I would set off an alarm if I shuffled higher in bed. But the most important part of my ICU experience was the morphine they fed me for my sore, stapled up belly.

One day the fine people at silverorange tried to come along and visit me. I don’t remember this (damn morphine) but I guess I was pretty out of it that day, and they weren’t allowed in. BUT they were nice enough to leave behind a delightfully stuffed ape-monkey thing wearing 3d glasses. It was placed on a shelf in my room and somebody explained to me how it was a present.

By now I was used to hallucinating at night (I’m not sure if it was the morphine or just sickness). I would have trouble sleeping because I had 8 people in my bed with me who stole my pillows and kept singing the chorus from Coolio’s “Fantastic Voyage”. That made perfect sense to me at the time.

Then, one night the gift monkey spoke to me. It scared me deeply. I don’t remember what he said but it was threatening and abusive. I eventually had to ask to have it hidden then taken home. I left ICU a few days later, and haven’t seen anything nonexistant since.

don’t you miss ralph nader?

Living in the busy world for so long, then taking a vacation of sorts from the horribly stressful life known as ‘web programming’ one comes to appreciate the simpler things in life.

Not 5 minutes ago I arrived back in my room after occupational therapy (where I thoroughly enjoyed a round of beanbag tic-tac-toe) to find two Kraft Handi-Snacks (those cracker/red stick/PB or cheese things).

I felt like a five year old on Christmas morning. Handi-Snacks are amazing and deserve a better web site.

I’m afraid this is about as exciting as my hospital posts are going to get. Wait, maybe not, a dude with green hair just walked by my door.