From TheRegister.co.uk:

1. Talk to people for chrissakes. Don’t live your life through the sodding TV. Go and meet up with mates or stay at home and talk with your family – and talk about something other than the TV. How about hopes/aspirations/feelings?
    
2. Buying things will NOT make you happy. Honestly. Spend the money on activities or things you’ve always wanted to do. That is what money is for, don’t you remember?
    
3. A job is something you do to give you a focus and purpose in life. It also provides money which pays for your home and food and supports your family. The rest can then be used to make your life outside work more enjoyable (see point 2).
    
4. Stop bloody whingeing all the time. No one likes moaners. And we just don’t care if you’re stressed or not – we’re not you. So what’s the point? Just get on and do it. And stop trying to find other things that you can blame for the fact that you’re a whingeing, boring, overworked bastard.

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In the event that you become a billionaire it is important to be prepared. Being disgustingly rich isn’t all fun and games. There are responsabilities. You will need an original set of billionaire eccentricities. Mine are as follows:

• I will wear a new pair of socks every day. Maybe I can work out some kind of deal where I give yesterdays socks away for charity auction like Michael Jordan does with his shoes.
• I will start a large-scale media campaign (including magazine ads, billboards, radio ads, and TV ads) to destigmatize masturbation. It’ll be like NBC’s The More You Know featuring big name stars. If you ever see a MASTURBATION IS OK
  bumper sticker, you can rest assure that I have found wealth.

Email me (steven@actsofvolition.com) and let me know what your billionare eccentricities.

Despite having an inflated self-image, aov’s own Matthew Dorrell has neglected to gloat about having a poem published UPEI’s student creative writing journal, Annex 2000.

Matt’s poem, Selling Vacuums is funny and upsetting. However, like all geniuses he is falsely humble and unhappy with the bounty of his quill (that’s what old pens that smart people used are called). He claims that the published piece is “in many little pieces and I have not as yet discovered how to re-assemble them properly”.

The world won’t wait. Ladies and Genderless, an aov exclusive (sort of), the newly revised version of Matthew Dorrell’s Selling Vacuums, previously published in UPEI’s Annex 2000:

If you can reconcile being a mind-melder for corporate america then you should get into advertising. You can get paid a lot of money to have a lot of fun.

I would like to formally invite you, Ralph Nader, to come run in the Canadian election.

In related news, Adam Horovitz (aka Ad-Rock of the Beastie Boys) and David Was of Was/Not Was (!!!) and their Grand Royal cohorts have offered up a fine Ralph Nader Remix of Countdown.

In the meantime, join the referendum to have Stockwell Day change his name to Dorris. This is classic 22 Minutes, but there is an important point here. However, I’m going to rob my point of any air of legitimacy it may have had by quoting a prime-time TV show about a different country, but I think there is a point in there somewhere:

“You know we forget sometimes, in all the talk about democracy, it’s a Republic. People don’t make the decisions, they choose the people who make the decisions. Could they do a better job choosing? Yeah. But when you consider the alternatives…”

The new Final Fantasy movie looks like it’s going to be a real milestone for computer generated animation. View the trailer and be amazed

Only those with freaky-ass high bandwidth and Quicktime need apply.