First, a confession: I am a web stats junkie. I get some kind of power rush from knowing that people are visiting our website.

The stats I love so much include keywords from popular search engines that have led people to aov. Some make sense, others do not. Some are interesting, others disturbing.
I have posted keywords on aov before. However, here is a a more in-depth sampling of such keywords with my thoughts on each:

• “Mike Lecky”
  I guess search engines work. We did an interview with Mike.
   
• “Acts of Volition”
  Again, search engines appear to work.
   
• “music video women Hiphop rock”
  We have written each of these words independently. However, I don’t think they have ever been used in conjunction.
   
• “futureshop sucks”
  Yes, I agree.
   
• “holy shit”
  aov has never included either word (although we do like to use profanity here and there).
   
• “matt slocum pictures, leigh nash cute, leigh nash MP3 download”
  Matt and Leigh are from Sixpence None the Richer. Read why they don’t suck.
   
• “napster judgement 2001”
  Napster. It will erase your mind.
   
• “cute kitten photos”
  This is matt’s fault.
   
• “something about the moffats”
  Yes, there is something about those boys, isn?t there?
   
• “Porland”
  It’s sad when search stats point out spelling errors (on a semi-related note, Portland with a ‘t’ is a cool place).
   
• “what is volition?”
  Don’t ask us. Look it up.
   
• “I want hug card”
  Don’t we all? Here you go.
   
• “matthew dorrell”
  He claims not to search the web for himself. I’m sceptical. Prove me wrong. Show yourself!
   
• “microsoft office monopoly”
  I was never good at monopoly. Microsoft Office is a monopoly. It’s also smarter than I am.
   
• “I do not know nuthin about the money launderin”
  I’m afraid I do know about money launderin’.
   
• “lemony snicket”
  Like matt said, “Lemony Snicket – suddenly and inexplicably everywhere”.
   
• “Sex story grandmother”
  A classic case of looking for love in all the wrong places. However, matt did once use these three words in relatively close proximity.
   
• “morphine preperation”
  I have never had morphine. Apparently I am the only one in this situation here at aov. See the following posts for more info:
  • Monkeys and morphine
  • I rock hard (A Christmas Greeting).
  • I rock harder (A Valentine’s Day Greeting).

   

• “the most disturbing movie”
  You asked for it. It’s Babe: Pig in the City.
   
• “who killed biggie smalls?”
  Record companies have whole departments dedicated to faking celebrity deaths. I though I had already explained this.
   
• “Bluntside the Awning”
  How do you bluntside the awning?
  Simple: press Down + Down + Grind (8 on the Keypad). Confused? You should be.
  Let me explain.
   
• “The truth about advertising”
  Searching the web for truth can be very frustrating. However, there is a video called Truth in Advertising that is quite amusing.

I have secured tickets secured to U2‘s second Montreal show on the Elevation Tour.

You’re tired of Bono’s rock star preaching you say? What’s that? I can’t hear you. I’m too busy throwing my panties on the stage and weeping like a school-girl when they play songs from Joshua Tree.*

don’t you miss ralph nader?

I went to Pat & Willy’s, a local Mexican restaurant to celebrate a birthday (don’t even get me started on the bizarre market for faux-Mexican/Texan motif dining on Prince Edward Island – it boggles my mind).

They have a promotion where you get a free meal on your birthday. The idea, no doubt, is that you’ll bring your friends and they’ll bring their wallets. Fine idea.

They used to include a free piece of cake for dessert. This was a nice little treat. Tonight, one of the guys at my table jokes that you get a free Joe Louis for dessert. We all had a good laugh. Then, at the end of the meal, the waitress came with a plate with one lonely Joe Louis with some whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and a sparkler. When I say Joe Louis, I am talking about the cheap chocolate cake things you buy at the 7-11 (a close relative of the Wagon Wheel, often found in Junior High School brown-bag lunches)

.

Let me be absolutely clear. It was not like a Joe Louis. It was a Joe Louis.

If you have either a lot of bandwidth or a lot of time, there is a nice amusing feature on cultural demographics called Psycho-Graphics at the CBC’s 120seconds.com (see my earlier comments about the site).

However, as is the evil nature of Flash websites, I can’t provide you a simple link to it! ARGH!* You’ll have to go to the front of the site and look for the feature called “Psycho-Graphics” yourself.

Jeffrey Zeldman, for those who don’t know, is the poster boy of independent content development on the web. His site, Zeldman.com, is fine example of an intelligent person writing interesting things. It’s not a navel-gazing blog site (although there are some great ones out there).

Read this great account of a web awards gala where Zeldman’s site is recognized along with a load of dot-com companies (this was a few years back, dot-commies were like Jean Cabot, telling the king that the waters off Newfoundland have so much fish you can almost walk on the water).

The best part is a conversation Zeldman has with a woman:

“What is your company?” says the bolder of the two. “I’ve never heard of it.”

“It’s a personal site,“ I say.

She brightens. “Oh, you mean like dating services?”

“No, I mean there’s no company, it’s just me. It’s entertainment for the Web.”

“Ah. Who supplies your entertainment content?”

“I do. I supply the entertainment content.”

She says, “What is your revenue model?”

I say, “I don’t have one.”

Where are they now? Zeldman is about to publish his book and his website is still a staple of independent content development.

Rehashing a few old posts, I will remind you of some great things.

First of all, go visit explodingdog.com. If you haven’t been there before, I assure you that it has nothing to do with exploding dogs. Rather it is a site of fantastic illustrations that will make you laugh and cry (the happy kind). If you have been there before, go again.

Then, if you haven’t already, sign up for our mailing list. We’ll only send you brilliant emails.

Finally, email us. Tell us how much you love/hate us (be specific). Suggestions, submissions, compliments, and insults are welcome: thegeniuses@actsofvolition.com

It has to be at least a dollar actually. But is that too much to ask for our sharp humour and cunning witticisms? No, it is not.

Amazon.com has set up a new system called the Amazon Honor System which is the electronic equivalent of throwing money in to our hat as we amuse you on the sidewalk of [lame cyber-analogy censored].

The system allows an independent website (like our humble aov) to put a cute little (actually quite large) graphic on their page that when clicked will allow viewers to pay the site authors for their brilliance. Transactions are a minimum of $1 and maximum of $50. Amazon takes a 15% cut in exchange for handling the transaction.

Stay calm though! Keep your plastic in your pockets! You can’t give us money yet. You need a U.S. Checkings Account for Amazon to pay you (and U.S. bank accounts are hard to come by on Prince Edward Island).

Those wacky folks at Amazon (or at least the wacky remaining 85%) are always cooking up cool new schemes. The Amazon Purchase Circles are another cool one (especially for you privacy buffs). You can view popular products by employer (Microsoft seems to be quite self-interested). The Amazonians must be trying to keep busy to avoid killing Jeff Bezos for his incredibly annoying laugh.