I had a few conversations with friends and family recently where we ended up compiling a list of requirements for a place to be called a “cottage”.

If your so-called “cottage” has any of the following, then I’m sorry, you don’t have a cottage. You have a Summer Home.

• A foundation
• A dishwasher
• Air conditioning
• Insulation of any kind (some exposed/visible insulation may be allowed)

You may be allowed one of the following, but two or more will disqualify you from the “cottage” designation:

• A new mattress
• A complete/matching set of dishes or cutlerly
• A full-size washer and dryer
• Cable TV or high-speed internet access

If you have recently chased a bat, bird, or other rodent out of the building, or if you have crawled under the building to jack it up in the spring, you may use the “cottage” designation for one year.