suck on this you weasel. We’re going to Mexico.

by matthew

Three bootlegged Beck songs you should obtain:

Mexico (live@KCRW)
An touching acoustic number about getting stoned and robbing a McDonalds.

One Foot in the Grave (live@W54th)
Some mean harmonica action accompanied by clever crowd banter.

Pulling up Roots (live with DJ Swamp)
No beck here actually. Just DJ Swamp rocking hard with the hard rock. Yeah. It’s like that.

Novocane (live@Muchmusic)
Beck screaming like the death-metal superstar you never knew he was. Also a discussion with Sook-Yin Lee about the current location of the fish he had for supper.

 

the internet advertising industry board of self gratification

by Steven Garrity

The Internet Advertising Bureau (IAB) is not a regulatory board as you might think, but an association of internet advertisers making recommendations for themselves. Their latest recommendation: make banner ads bigger.

 

robots: fast as hell, still not so great with context.

by Steven Garrity

The following email was sent from Network Solutions in regards to a domain name update request. I was aware that robots were sending emails, but I had thought we were still a few years away from the robots actually writing the emails themselves.

At least the robot was polite enough to wish us “Best regards”. Thank you, robot, but I don’t appear to be the first to have trouble with you and your “solutions”.

Thank you for responding to our Notify Template. Because you
omitted information from line 1a, we cannot act on your instructions.

At the bottom of this e-mail, we’ve added the Notify Template with
our original information intact. In order for us to execute your
instructions, please follow these steps in this sequence.

  1. Hit the Reply button in your email program. Attention AOL users:
    see below* before proceeding.
  2. In line 0a, enter the Guardian method you chose
    when you set up your contact record.
  3. Based on what you entered in line 0a, make the
    appropriate choice for line 0b:

    • If you entered Mail-From, leave line 0b blank.
    • If you entered Crypt-PW, put your plain text password in
      line 0b.
    • If you entered PGP, leave line 0b blank, but be sure to
      sign the template with your PGP private key.
  4. If you agree with the modification request in its entirety,
    reply to this email by inserting Y or YES on line 1a.
    OR
    If you disagree with the modification request, enter
    N or NO on line 1a.
  5. Do not remove the version number or alter the template in any
    other way.
  6. Hit the Send button in your e-mail program.

Best regards,

Network Solutions Registrar
help@networksolutions.com

*AOL software prevents you from simply replying to this message.
Instead, follow these steps:
a) Highlight the entire message
b) Click on the Reply button
c) Return to step 2, above.

====================
xxxx00
=======================

 

scrabble rules

by rob

It saddens me to think about how little Scrabble® affects our everyday lives. It is no longer “hip” to discuss Scrabble® with your peers. It has become like riding a moped, exciting, yet you hide it from your friends.

Last week I ordered a Deluxe Scrabble® set. Yes, that is the one with the redwood tiles, rotating gameboard with anti-slip ridges for the tiles, and a quality crushed velvet tile bag.

If you don’t want to go as balls out as I did (respect me for my possesions), there are many other ways to support Scrabble® in society:.

  1. This for example is an inexpensive Scrabble® board which can be easily hidden if your illiterate friends come along with thier favorite two by fours. Apparently it still functions like a normal board.
     
  2. If you are proud of your association with Scrabble, you should own one of these and wear it daily. Regardless of your gender. Be sure to check out the novelty socks while you’re there.
  3. If your street has covert “Scrabble® Nights”, a discreet way to summon new players is to post one of these babies at the end of your road.

AOV supports Scrabble®.

 

drop that number!

by Steven Garrity

For the seasoned weblog readers, this is be second hand old news, but I couldn’t help but post it.

Apparently a mathematician stumbled across (suspicious, I know) a prime number (seen below) that when written in hexadecimal format forms a Zip file that contains the DeCSS information (the now infamous DVD decryption software).

The obvious joke here is that no court could seriously render a number illegal (I’m not so confident in the legal systems of the world).

Other humorous versions of the DeCSS include a Mircrosoft wizard who will tell you a story containing the code (wacky plugin and download), the DVD logo itself rendered from the code, and my personal favourite, the code written in plain English.

The Number:
485650789657397829309841
894694286137707442087351
357924019652073668698513
401047237446968797439926
117510973777701027447528
049058831384037549709987
909653955227011712157025
974666993240226834596619
606034851742497735846851
885567457025712547499964
821941846557100841190862
597169479707991520048667
099759235960613207259737
979936188606316914473588
300245336972781813914797
955513399949394882899846
917836100182597890103160
196183503434489568705384
520853804584241565482488
933380474758711283395989
685223254460840897111977
127694120795862440547161
321005006459820176961771
809478113622002723448272
249323259547234688002927
776497906148129840428345
720146348968547169082354
737835661972186224969431
622716663939055430241564
732924855248991225739466
548627140482117138124388
217717602984125524464744
505583462814488335631902
725319590439283873764073
916891257924055015620889
787163375999107887084908
159097548019285768451988
596305323823490558092032
999603234471140776019847
163531161713078576084862
236370283570104961259568
184678596533310077017991
614674472549272833486916
000647585917462781212690
073518309241530106302893
295665843662000800476778
967984382090797619859493
646309380586336721469695
975027968771205724996666
980561453382074120315933
770309949152746918356593
762102220068126798273445
760938020304479122774980
917955938387121000588766
689258448700470772552497
060444652127130404321182
610103591186476662963858
495087448497373476861420
880529443

 

dear apathetic bastards,

by matthew

Send me some goddamn poems.

You, the so-called “readership,” need to redeem yourselves after your pathetic showing at the rock-uber-thing.

Your reluctance to send me your poems can’t have anything to do with the “difficulty” of writing of poems. If Dylan Thomas, a drunk and an Irishman, can cobble some words into a poem, anyone can. Even slack-jawed ne’er-do-wells like yourselves.

I’m serious about this. Really. Show some love, goddamn it. We show you love daily (nearly). It’s the least you can do.

 

the grave dangers of not having a car stereo (and owning a Moxy Früvous cassette)

by Steven Garrity

It happened quite innocently. I think someone mentioned an author’s name, or said something that sounded like W.P. Kinsella as we got into my car. Bargainville Naturally (or so it seemed at the time), this caused my three tone-deaf friends and I (also tone-deaf) to try to impress each other with our knowledge of the lyrics of Moxy Früvous’ Bargainville album (“W.P. Kinsella” being a lyric from the tune My Baby Loves a Bunch of Authors). If you have never heard of this group or song, you might think that I was making it up. I am not.

As it turns out, our ability to recall the lyrics from the album was indeed impressive. So, here we were, four heterosexual men, driving and singing loudly and poorly. After My Baby Loves a Bunch of Authors, we segue into The Gulf War Song, The Drinking Song, Fell In Love. It’s important to note that of all music to sing badly, harmony-laden a cappella is particularly bad.

Let me clarify something. If you don’t know me, you may be thinking, ‘well, I’m sure he and his jolly friends enjoy singing to each other all the time’. This is not at all the case. Like you, we don’t often break into song with a group of friends. I’m sure, on occasion, we each sing out loud when alone in our respective vehicles, but never when together. That would be weird.

Anyhow, that’s exactly what we did in this case. We broke into song. And not just any song. Practically the whole Bargainville album (or at least 30 second samples of each track). It got me thinking, the odd event that it was. Moxy Früvous rules.

Moxy Früvous. You have to at least give them credit for the ‘u’ with the dots on it. That’s not easy to pull off. Think of Montley Crüe. They deserve more credit than that. If all that comes to mind when you think of Moxy Früvous is King of Spain, then I hereby call into question your Canadian citizenship and loyalty to the Queen.

Bargainville is a fantastic album. It is Moxy Früvous at their best. Self-aware, goofy, smart, and good. Oozing with Canadian-ness. Fell In Love is a good a Canadian song as any penned by Bruce Cockburn or Leonard Cohen. If you know the album, revisit it. If not, keep an open mind, get a copy of it on cassette, leave it in your car for two years, and I assure you that you will not be disappointed.

 

Coffeepot for Masochists.

by Steven Garrity

Have you ever pushed on a pull door? Have you ever stood waiting for an automatic sliding door to open, only to find out it’s a window? Are you sick of the blinking 12:00 on your VCR? Rise up against the tyranny of bad design!

Coffeepot for Masochists, from the cover of The Design of Everday ThingsI recently finished reading Donald Norman’s The Design of Everyday Things. It was an epiphany. It’s a nice feeling when someone coherently articulates your half-baked thoughts. Isaac Asimov’s endorsement on the book jacket sums it up well (if I ever write a book, I sure hope Isaac Asimov endorses it):

“We are all victimized by the natural perversity of inanimate objects. Here is a book at last that strikes back both at the objects and at the designers, manufacturers, and assorted human beings who originate and maintain this perversity. It will do your heart good and may even point the way to correcting matters.”

 

an explanation of the general lack of posts from me.

by matthew

Am tired.

Am considering moving to Bolivia, if for no other reason than it is far away from here and has a catchy name.

Also the undeniable allure of cheap blow.

Am momentarily (hopefully) tired of people, as they complain too much*, tend not to say what they mean, and are entirely too much work to live with or spend time near on a daily basis.

Am overfilling a beer mug and dripping beer on the carpet.

Have been spilling beer a lot lately.

Am considering writing a novel in list form at it is clearly an underused format with boundless potential.

Am still laughing at Rob professing to have an “an old war buddy.”

Perhaps this is funnier if you know Rob.

Have work left to do tonight.

Am done.

* Complaining in and of itself is fine. It is the bedrock of civilization, or at the very least, of my existence. It’s the people who complain incessently and refuse to do anything themselves, who back out of opportunities to complain to the people who can change things, that bother me.

If you’re reading this carefully (and you are likely not) you should be frightfully flattered. I am after all, complaining to you, thus implying that you are someone who matters.

Don’t let it go to your head.

 

Eskimo bob

by rob

A fine website to visit for exciting snippets and great commentary from a smart person is SpinnWebe. I was prodding along his Brainshots section, enjoying myself, and I stumbled upon this one which talked about the “All Your Base Are Belong To Us” craze which I missed (living in a bubble at the time).

I was so amused by the little song-video, I sent it to an old war buddy who pointed out it was “sooo last month”. I decided to follow the handy link Spinn posted to the history of that craze I missed.

The page was interesting but not the focus of this post, the page DID have a link to Eskimo Bob a great series of Flash cartoons. I’m assuming the dudes behind it must be Canadian (I didn’t explore the page greatly, they might have posted this), because the cartoon targets us. One’s in french, another is familiar to us all (I can’t give that away).

It has the same charm as Pokey the Penguin. It’s funny because it doesn’t always make sense, and the characters have amusing titles.

Enjoy!