“Student newspaper.” What do those words mean to you? Do they seem to imply an ownership of the paper by students? At the very least wouldn’t you imagine that a “student newspaper” would involve some level of control over the newspaper by the students?

Staff at UPEI‘s student newspaper, The Cadre recently learned that the above assumptions don’t necessarily hold true. Staff had decided not to publish an issue for two weeks so that they might concentrate on their studies – you know, the reason they’re at univeristy? The break from publishing would not have interfered with the requirement that The Cadre publish 10 issues a semester. However, The Cadre was told by its advertisers that they had no choice and had to publish a new issue.

The result of this bullying is The Faction – a minimalist paper which is fully 50% advertising. For my money (the paper is free) this is probably one of the best issues of The Cadre, or any incarnation of UPEI’s student newspaper, that I’ve had the pleasure of reading. Nearly all the non-advertising content in The Faction attacks the advertisers and advertising in general, but does so in an intelligent manner.

Well done.

To receive your copy of The Faction go to the Main Building of the University of Prince Edward Island. Room 06 in the basement.

Due to the prolonged absence of the sun actsofvolition seems to have developed Seasonal Affective Disorder. The following are symptoms of SAD as they affect aov:

1. A change in appetite, especially a craving for sweet or starchy foods – we eat a lot of potatoes and cinnamon buns with cream cheese icing.
2. Weight gain – no.
3. A heavy feeling in the arms or legs – not really, but this seems related to #2.
4. A drop in energy level – yes. Note that this does not imply an initial high level of energy.
5. Fatigue – yes. I am conscience for an average of twelve hours a day. 0.5 of these hours are productive.
6. A tendency to oversleep – I was proud of myself for waking up early today. At noon.
7. Difficulty concentrating – yes. Anyone who has read aov will not need to be told this.
8. Irritability – yes. %@$#& you.
9. Increased sensitivity to social rejection – possibly. Lack of social situations makes answering difficult.
10. Avoidance of social situations – yes. See #9.

While at first glance this seems a strong endorsement of aov as a sufferer of SAD, the diagnosis is far from clear as answers to questions #4 through #10 are constant and integral elements in our personalities.

We have finally reached the end of the “milleniyumyum” affair. Somewhat behind schedule mind you, but that seems to be all the rage these days. In any case, the punishment to be adopted for Steven’s use of the “word” “milleniyumyum” has been kindly provided by long time listener, first time caller, Sinned*. He has decreed that Steven’s punishment is to be the following:

make him eat donuts…
lots and lots of donuts..
plain…old…donuts…
we’ll see how milleniyumyummie he feels then…

Hopefully some pictures, or at least an artist’s rendition, of the punishment being executed will be available soon.

I would like to be able to provide Sinned with a mug or a t-shirt for his winning suggestion, but we have none. Perhaps I will take up a collection, though that certainly seems extremely unlikely.

* Name has been scrambled to protect the innoncent. Sinned is much better than Wehttam. Lucky bastard.

One of the best descriptions of the American election I have read recently:

It hurts, doesn’t it? Being forced to choose between I guy who’s so smart that he’s a complete idiot, and a guy who’s so dumb he doesn’t even know he’s dumb – he’s like a dog who thinks he’s a person.

Wisdom like this could only come from one place. Suck of course. More specifically Filler, which appears on Suck every Wednesday.

And yes, I am aware the election has not officially been won, but let’s be realistic – it’s over.

George W. Bush has won the American election. While I’m not entirely certain of how, or why, this is important to me, it seems bad. Ralph Nader got a miniscule amount of the vote, but expect liberals (the ideology, not the party) to continue to use him as a scapegoat. Good night.

While not having anything to base an opinion on is seldom an impedement to forming an opinion….

On second thought, I’ll not finish this post. It was just a bunch more words anyway. Essentially, the gist of my post was to be that the future of Napster is so fuzzy that commentary is useless. So no commentary.

Learn to read.

Nearly 100 Ways to Approach Infinity.
Two Stories my Parents Begged me to Tell Our Guests Towards the Beginning of my 25th Birthday Party But Insisted I Had Completely Invented.

These are both stories from McSweeneys whom I will continue pimping until they are popular, at which point I will no longer think they are cool. Also read the following which appears in Salon but is written by writers who have been featured on McSweeneys.

As you may have noticed, the normally responsible Steven has committed a severe affront to the English language and to thinking people everywhere. In his ‘commercial WIRED musings’ post, Steven made reference to the ‘milleniyumyum’. Is he responsible for this act, or was his brain inadvertently and momentarily transformed into mashed turnip? We cannot say, but nonetheless we must act.

Please send all votes for method of punishment to thegeniuses@actsofvolition.com. The polls will remain open until Nov. 7th. Vote early, and vote often.

Charge a service fee for using a service? What?! Have someone making money from the Internet without absurdly inflated stock sales? No way! I want everything for free!

If Napster charges a service fee who knows what could be next? We’ll have to pay “grocery stores” to buy our food from them instead of direct from the farmers. “Bookstores” will appear, and we’ll no longer buy directly from authors. Why, the government may even institute a goods and services tax! Soon, we’ll have an entire “service industry”!

What will happen? How can we possibly afford to pay for the things we want? Our society will crumble into anarchy, and mobs will rule the streets! To the hills, I say, to the hills. You can live off the land, commune with nature, learn to love your fellow man, and never, ever have to pay a service fee.

Green Party presidential candidate Ralph Nader is apparently unsatisfied with simply being the most intelligent candidate running. Reports suggest that Nader has sold his soul to the devil* in exchange for the power to control the very minds of men. Be afraid, be very afraid.

* Some observers contend that said soul was in fact sold to Coca-Cola in exchange for the magical powers.