It is nearly 4:00am and the snowplough (isn’t it snowplow? it’s late and I’m going to go with the spellchecker on this one) is burying my car. Something or someone is always burying my car. I would call them names, but Jenn thinks I have developed a potty-mouth (my words, not hers) so I will refrain. For now.

Also. Does anyone have pictures of Yan from the TV show Wok with Yan, or know where such pictures might be found? Let me know.

Am listening to a bunch of Tahiti 80 songs. Am undecided as to whether I like them, or whether they are too sugary, too poppy and too boring. I’ll let you know.

Six hours until I get to wake up again! Yee haw!

It occurs to me that while reviews are all well and good, that perhaps I should be telling you about some events before they happen.*

Thursday go to Fishbones cafe (on Richmond St.) and see Windom Earle along with Port Citizen, The Guthries and Eyes for Telescopes, who will likely have their new album on sale.** Starts at 8:00pm.

Friday go to the alter-cases at The Barn. Starts at 7:00pm.

Saturday go to the alter-cases at Brennan’s which starts at 11:00am. Then go to Baba’s at 9:00pm and see Mike O’Neil, Joel Plaskett, Slocoaster and others.
Or, if you happen to be in Wolfville and not on PEI, wake up at some ungodly hour of the morning and go to Acadia University (it’s in Wolfville, right?). At 9:00am, somewhere on campus, I’ll be reading a series of poems cleverly titled Instructions on Living With Bears and Other More Familiar Animals. Those of you who are currently thinking disparaging thoughts about poems and the people who write them, why don’t you go play hockey, or whatever it is that you neanderthal-motherfuckers generally do.

Sunday go back to Baba’s to see some excellent hip hop featuring Buck 65, Sixtoo, Fermented Reptile and The Goods. This happens sometime in the afternoon.

Following that you should go back to Fishbone’s for a jam session hosted by the aformentioned Eyes for Telescopes and featuring some of the other bands mentioned above.

If you do any of these things, tell me about it.
Cheers.

* I have no idea whether tickets should be bought in advance of any of these events.
** Once I get my paws on one I will offer a review.

Some things unrelated:

Read this article on Salon concerning one of the greatest actors of all time. And while we’re talking about Bill Murray, it should be mentioned that he will be playing a lounge singer (!) in Steven Soderburgh’s remake of Ocean’s 11, which might also be starring Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, Warren Beatty, Micheal Douglas, Johnny Depp, George Clooney, Alan Arkin and Matt Damon, among others. I swear, I’m not making this up. Did I mention Bill Murray plays a lounge singer?

Next time school closes, will someone tell me about it? Ignorant bastards.

On a somber note, WWF legend Yoko Zuna is dead. Full story here. Rest in peace big guy.

A brief accounting of my goings and doings, to borrow a phrase, over the past few days. This excludes certain foods eaten, some drinks drank, numerous things said and overheard, a couple sleeps slept, some women ogled, a few phone calls made and received and many other events, small and large.

Thursday
54-40 (rock and roll)
And the verdict is: Meh. 54-40 are good musicians, they’re a tight band and I was surprised at the number of songs I recognized. That said, there’s something missing – they just aren’t exciting.

Friday
House (video)
This 1997 Canadian movie, starring Daniel MacIvor, was recommended to me by the man known as Windom Earle. Really more of a one man play than a movie, the stories contained within are clever, moving and odd (like me!). An excellent movie.
waydowntown (movie)
Another excellent (much more so, in fact) Canadian movie. See the ugly website and/or read this post by Steve (stunt-driver extraodinaire), which should, but does not, mention that the cast includes Don McKellar, as all casts should.

Saturday
Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou? (movie)
Depression era America as fairytale. This movie, and more or less everything within, is brilliant. Excellent performances by John Turturro, Tim Blake Nelson, John Goodman and (especially) George Clooney. Amazing cinematography and music as well.
The Lone Star (restaurant)
Love them fajitas and salty chips.
Eyes for Telescopes (rock’n’roll)
Still the best band in Charlottetown, even if their drummer sang a little (more than a little) out of tune. They’ve been together less than a year and have an incredible number of good songs.
Port Citizen (rock’n’roll)
Heavy punk stuff – not so good. Funkier Reggae songs – pretty damn good. They’re better everytime I see them, which makes you wonder why they don’t invite me to more shows.
Flush (rock and roll)
See the above review of 54-40, but not the part about recognizing the songs. Added bonus(es): Drummer spits a lot and hits drums extremely hard, guitarist wears tattoos, mohawk and no shirt.
Richard Wood (MC for rock show)
Inexplicable. Unecessary. Uninformed. Goofy lookin’ too. Sorry man.

Alright, that took a really long time to write. Next weekend I’m either doing less stuff, or just not telling you about it.

When I tell you that Mike Lecky is the future of the Internet, understand that I am wrong. Understand that I am being entirely too hopeful, that the future of the Internet will likely follow the future of all things these days – less art and more product.
Less art and more advertising. But I can dream.

So then:
here is dmo (newer) and dmo (older).

Socks, headphones, supermodels and other things sad and beautiful.

www.billgatesisdead.com

Ad seen on Excite:

For a general explanation of this post’s title, go here.

For a specific explanation of this post’s title, go here. Caution: This will require reading.

If you are entirely uninterested in the title and the entire post, go here.

Thank you.

Snatch is, of course, the new Guy Ritchie movie (insert pre-requisite mention of Madonna here). If you’ve seen Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels you know what to expect. Snatch is even more frenetic, fast-paced and violent than it’s predecessor, but doesn’t really cover any new territory.

See this movie anyway, if for nothing else than Brad Pitt who spends the majority of the movie covered in either soot, blood, bile or alcohol and speaks in a hilarious and indecipherable Irish dialect. Snatch is funny, it looks absolutely amazing, but there just isn’t anything beneath the surface.

Babe: Pig in the City, on the other hand, has a lot going on. While Snatch merely feigns social commentary, the second Babe contains almost nothing but. Class warfare, the loss of cultural identity and social decay are the primary topics. I’m not kidding here, the first Babe movie, is nothing like Pig in the City – which has to be the most disturbing movie to ever be labelled “General”. The movie includes a dog being hung and nearly drowned, a poodle prostitute and any number of other characters and scenes that are entirely inappropriate for a “children’s” movie. Hampered only by a weak ending which feels out of place, this movie both looks incredible and has a lot to say.

Read this bizarre review of Babe: Pig in the City by a group called the “ChildCare Action Project: Christian Analysis of American Culture.” Among the areas they rate are “Offense to God,” “Sex/Homosexuality,” and “Impunity/Hate.”
This site rates a lot of movies, and is usually both entertaining and frightening.

I do not receive enough adulation from the public. Is it so much to ask that, instead of fallacy ridden emails that obliquely threaten legal action*, you send me gifts? Of course not.
My only thought has been that perhaps I am too difficult to shop for. To that end I present you with a short list:

Mr. Suicide Bathtub or Sink Drain Plug – better than a rubber duckie.
Beck Stuff – I like red.

Actually, that’s it. That’s all I want. I just want a bathtub plug and a t-shirt (or a sweatshirt)! That’s it!
I mean, sure I’d like to own a car that I could kick snow off without simultaneously ripping holes in the frame. And, sure, when Stats Canada called, I was embarrassed (see Jennifer, I can spell) to admit that I hadn’t spent a thing on “paid companions” (who are grouped with gardeners and maids for some reason). But really, all I want is some Beck swag and a lousy bathtub plug with a dead guy hanging from the chain.
I’m doing my very best to be reasonable folks. It’s not easy.

* I regret that I cannot produce said email for your perusal. You would laugh and cry. You would – but you will not.