update: it’s not so much macs, but the people who use them

I want a Titanium PowerBook as much as any self-respecting web designer, but this quote from a News.com story about the opening of the Apple store (QuickTime) in Washington D.C. gave me the creeps:

More than 500 zealous Mac fans lined up as early as 4 a.m. EDT for the chance to be the store’s first customer and to support Apple Computer’s retail experiment. The crowd–which earlier broke into chants of “Apple! Apple! Apple!”–roared when the stored open at 10 a.m. EDT.

These people have clearly not read Brave New World.

Read Everybody must get stoned by Ian O’Doherty at Salon.com. It is short and you will laugh out loud.

I’m so embarrassed by this event I decided to post about it for everybody to see.

About a week or so ago, I set up IIS on my system so that I could practice my mad ASP skills in preparation for a new job. So. I plopped it on, played with it for a day or two, then forgot I had it installed. Today, a couple of weeks later, I find out that my IIS default page was horribly, horrible, defaced by a k-rad 1337 h4x0r.

To his credit, he was a political activist (dare I say, satirical genius?). So, I thought since he went through all the trouble to deface my private web server (which I foolishly left with the default username/password for the FTP) I would pass on the message he left me for a greater audience:

(For effect, I used the same font, colors, and formatting as the elite llama)

“I’m A Bug”

I’m a bug.
So are you, baby.
Want to use my
pinchers on you.

“Louie Louie,” but punker.

“Lipostudio . . . And so On” is definitely, without any question, the absolute best song of all time to incorporate samples of an actual liposuction. Check out the extra squooshy liposucking samples about halfway through. Splooshtastic! Of the entire the album, this song is probably the most closely resembling a “traditional” electronica tune. It has the most straightforward beats and lengthy melodies of the album, and is one of the better songs.

A Chance to Cut is a Chance to Cure is super-minimalist, micromanaged electronic noodling, but more fun than that. “Memento Mori” and “Ur Tchun Tan Tse Q” are both incredible, with all kinds of clicks, pops, and all types of itchy-skritchiness. The sound of a drill, apparently boring into the base of someone’s skull, at the end of “Spondee” is absolutely terrifying and relentless. It still occasionally gives me dry heaves.

This album uses some very weird and amazing samples – every song samples from plastic surgery operations. It’s not just the “organic” samples like this used, but close attention to such small details, that makes A Chance to Cut sound very human, and very far departed from the artificial machine-gloss that covers so much electronica.

I’ve spouted on and on about this year’s 5k competition. There was last year’s embarrassing entry, this year’s long-shot, a surprising win, phony humility, and now, a bitter, bitter twist. Apparently our entry was in the wrong category and we have been bumped from the winners list (see the 5k news page).

As I mentioned before, my goal this year was not to be mocked. I think this is worse. Anyone have any advice on how I should tell my mom?

For the record, I hold no grudges. It was me who put our entry in the wrong category and we had a lot of fun working on our submission. The contest is great, and I was glad to see (and this will sound even more sincere now that I’m a loser) that the judges appear to have picked the winners based on creativity and originality rather than technical wizardry. And the current the5k.org front page is absolutely beautiful.

The lesson learned: Don’t bother. Stay in your basement (look forward to our properly categorized entry next year).

High School was an odd time. The days I remember most are those spent driving my parent’s Saturn to the beach with a Poor Old Lu cassette. The times spent in class and in between have mostly fallen victim to traumatic memory loss – the trauma being boredom and social awkwardness.

Enjoy this high school memory: The valedictorian nomination speech of Dan James, former high school delinquent / honours student, current top 50 CEO. After two other cookie-cutter valedictory nomination addresses, Dan took the stage in the cafeteria, removed the mike from the podium, and gave this, his valedectorian nomination address. He lost by a suspicious two votes.

My favourite part of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series was the frictionless spaceship. You could touch it, but not feel it.

Douglas Adams died this week at age 49. I wonder how long it will take Amazon.com to start peddling merchandise related to the deceased.

After a humbling (read: humiliating) experience in last year’s 5k competition, I enlisted the help of my good friends Nick & Nathan from silverorange with a simple goal: To create an entry that would not be mocked openly (like last year).

Once this year’s entries went up on the5k.org, I was amazed. Our entry couldn’t compare to some of this year’s amazing submissions (two of my favourites where the 5k Chess, and the 3D Dolphin). While our entry was put to shame by the other entries, it was not openly mocked. The goal was met.

Then in a bizarre turn of events the5k.org published this year’s winners and our humble 5k audi tt vr gallery was among them. First shock, then disbelief, then joy, then a king size (fr: GRAND FORMAT) 85g Oh Henry! bar to celebrate. In the HTML Only category we were #2 for Function, and #3 Overall.

How our entry was more functional than a working 5k chess game I’ll never know. That said, it is nice to see the judges steer clear of turning it into a javascript-writing competition. The other winners are not the most technically impressive, but are all definitely very cool.

“Choke”

Granted, I have not actually listened to this song. Nonetheless, I’m sending it out to the Toronto Maple Leafs.