In addition to being an internet baron, I am also a brilliant inventor. I have deemed two of my recent inventions worthy of sharing with you, humble reader.

Invention the First

Low-fat toothpaste. The first reaction I usually get, after the brilliance of the idea washes over my confidant, is a simple question. Does toothpaste even have fat in it? I don’t know, who cares?

If you give me a Gillette-8-blade-shaving-experience sized advertising budget and something to deaden the pangs of my conscience, I could sell this.

Here’s how the TV-spot would go:

[Blond model with doctor-esque white lab coat (low-cut) and scientastic thick-rimmed glasses purses lips and asks:]

“Did you know that over 15 years, you can swallow as much as 200 calories from your toothpaste?”

[Pierce Brosnan look-a-like in similar doctor gear enters, notices how slim blond-doctor-girl is. They embrace.]

Run this tv-spot during the SuperBowl and I could sell enough low-fat toothpaste to wipe the artificially whitened smile off of the faces of any Proctor & Gamble executive.

Invention the Second

It is a line of clothing for pre-teen girls (tweens) from the design house, Hugo Boss. It is called:

Hugo Girl

Say it out loud and put the emphasis on the “go”.