Recently, I have had many people ask me: “What is it like, being a Milton Acorn Award winning poet?” Who can blame them for wishing for a little insight into the life of so large a figure? In the interest of bridging the gap between award winning poet (me) and common folk (you), I present the following:
A day in the life of me, award winning poet.*
10:30am – Wake to sound of phone ringing. Landlord informs me rent check has bounced. Not my fault. Mumble something to that effect and promise to pay in cash today.
11:30am – Wake to sound of phone ringing. Ignore phone.
12:30pm – Wake to sound of phone ringing. It is B_____. Something about lunch and taking the paper (UPEI’s The Cadre) to the printer.
12:45-1:45pm – Eat lunch (Mr. Noodles brand soup, “Chicken” flavour). Watch episode five of third season of X Files.
Plot Summary: Even execution can’t stop the killing days of Napoleon “Neech” Manley (Badja Djola). Before going to the electric chair, he vows revenge on the inmates and guards who made his prison days a living hell. Later, the men on his list of enemies begin dying gruesome deaths.
2:00pm – Withdraw cash from bank. Pay rent plus twenty dollar fee for bounced rent check.
2:20pm – Arrive at B_____’s house.
2:30-3:15pm – Assorted goings-on involving taking of The Cadre to The Guardian, drinking of coffee and perusal of books in local independent bookstore.
3:20pm – Speculation on what Milton Acorn Poetry Award consists of. Possibilities: Half bag of pretzels, three dollars, nothing.
3:30pm – Arrive home. Attempt to read part of Carlyle’s “Sartor Resartus” (The Tailor Retailored) in ill-conceived attempt to study for Victorian Prose and Poetry exam.
4:00-6:30pm – Sleep on couch. Awake at 6:30 slightly panicked as exam is in thirty minutes.
6:45pm – Purchase ham and swiss sandwich, black coffee and blueberry fritter from Tim Hortons.
7:05-10:00pm – Arrive nearly on time for exam having eaten only half of ham and swiss. Spend next three hours writing exam and staring at class members.
10:00-10:15pm – Small and insignificant conversations with people concerning number of exams remaining, papers to write, etc. Call B_____ and inform him of intention of going to Baba’s for beer in near future.
10:30-11:00pm – Arrive home. Watch Toronto Maple Leafs finish their sweep of hapless Ottawa Senators.
11:10pm – Arrive at Baba’s. Tonight is “Open Dave with Mic” night. Apparently. Call B_____ to confirm lack of cover.
11:30pm-2:30am – Converse with C_____, B_____, M_____, D_____ and N_____. Also with female wearing “Kitten” t-shirt. “Kitten” speaks repeatedly of appreciation for being grabbed by hair and bent over a table. “Kitten” becomes centre of conversation for large portion of evening.
12:00am(ish) – Attempt by myself and B_____ to acquire _____. D_____ speaks to C_____, also makes phone call. Attempt fails. B_____ leaves soon after.
1:00am(ish) – Beer fight. Am not participating, but still lose.
2:30am – Almost witness fight between D_____ and some guy over ownership of red lighter. Guy is asked to leave, smashes light during exit. Guy is banned.
2:45am – Walk home. Disappointed that J.R. Capone’s is closed.
3:00am – Sleep.
And thus went the day. I hope this exercise has given you the all the insight into the intricacies of the life of me that you wished for. Feel free to send any further inquiries in this direction.
* All times are approximate as I do not own a watch.