If I Gave a Tweet

Criticizing Twitter and its users is one of the lowest forms of shallow condescension – right up there pointing out that the things in the Alanis Morissette song aren’t technically “ironic”. The “why do I care what you had for breakfast” routine is one best relegated to bad stand-up comedians and 24-hour-cable-news hosts.

That said, I don’t think I’m cool enough to use Twitter (translation: I think I’m too cool to use Twitter). If I did, though, this is what it would be like:

  • Getting a new toilet seat is like getting a whole new toilet
  • Movies that I won’t see because they have numbers in the title: 3:10 to Yuma, The Taking of Whatever 123
  • Movies are too long.
  • Whenever I come from getting my teeth cleaned at the dentist, I feel like I need to gargle with CocaCola to get my mouth back to normal.
  • When do single-parents shower?
  • Shameful confession: I enjoy getting promotional emails from Dell.
  • Get off my lawn!

Before my friends helpfully point it out, I actually do “use” Twitter in several ways. I have an account to follow the posts of friends, and I have helped create Twitter to the Editor and Hungarian and Back. Twitter is actually a very cool service, but I’d prefer a more open system.


2 thoughts on “If I Gave a Tweet

  1. Wow! Never thought of the toilet seat trick. What’s your account again, so I can follow you? BTW I’m not on your lawn… yet. 😉

  2. I actually just got a new toilet seat, and it really is like getting a new toilet. On a different note, I use twitter, but I prefer to use it as a way to keep up with news and other people. Instead of just posting a bunch of stuff no one will care about anyway.

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