Cereal Impostors

by Steven Garrity

Generic-brand cereal names observed at the grocery store:

  • Oatie-O’s
  • Frosted Oatie-O’s
  • Neon Crunch (or in French, Croquant Fluon)
  • Fruity Hoops (right next to the Fruit Loops)
  • Lickety Split-O’s
 

19 thoughts on “Cereal Impostors”

  2. These “bottom shelf” cereals are actually *exactly the same* as the “real” cereals. They’re manufactured by he same companies at the same factories, just dumped into two differently colored boxes.

    It’s just two different marketing spins of the same product: the “brand” box that charges twice as much to people who only buy things advertised on TV (i.e. kids), and the “budget” box for price-conscious moms, spendthrifts and, y’know, poor people.

  3. I think if you have every actually consumed PC oatie-o’s thingies you would know that they have little in common with Cheerios and certainly never met on the factory floor unless they were cut out of the cardboard they make Cheerio boxes out of.

  4. It’s interesting that there was also a no-name brand called “Frosted Flakes” (which is an actual brand name too). I guess they can’t trademark a generic term like that (can’t anyone frost their flakes?).

  5. I think that I noticed that but that it was Frostie Flakes or something very close. I will look again.

    [What the H-E-double hockey sticks is the “frost” anyway? Sugar and Dupont goo. Why don’t the no-names use “sugar and chemical encrusted flakes”?]

  6. “TV dinner jokes? [sarcastically] Oooh, take that, Swansons!”

    — Janeane Garofalo, “The Last Temptation of Krust”

  7. Obviously Matt who posted above has never tasted the difference between apple jacks and the knock off apple jaks or whatever you want to call it.

    The knock off brand has a definite mealy taste that’s not good at all. I’m not sure how to explain it put if you try a bowl of each cereal you’ll notice the difference.

    I tried to make the switch to the cheaper cereal but could not do it. The knockoff brands just were not the same. I may be too addicted to the original cereal but give me the real Frosted Flakes over the Frostie Flakos any day chemical encrusted flakes and all.

  8. We have this new yoghurt product, called ‘Froop!’.

    For God’s sake.

    ‘Froop!’

    They’re running out of brand names, it seems. Won’t there be lawsuits for the names resembling eachother too much?

  10. Does anyone notice that generic corn flakes are sometimes not as crispy as brand-name flakes and are more yellow and not as crunchy?

    These batches make for superior cereal.

  11. Spotted at a gas-station convenience store half-way between Indianapolis and Chicago: Fruity Rice and Fruit Hoops.

  13. you all trippin…i found some fruity treasures besides fruity pebbles..what is wrong with this world these days

  15. When I read Dave’s post about Froop being an abbreviation for Fruit Poop, I laughed until I could barely breathe.

  17. Actually… MOST cereals like real frosted flakes & no name frosted flakes, ARE exactly the same thing. Though there are exceptions, where it’s an enitrely different gross cereal. It’s the same for things like canned tuna… 3 same sized cans of tuna, one is generic, one is the expensive brand and one is inbetween. They’re actually the exaaact same tuna and it’s all done on the same line, they just put different labels on it.

  18. Actually…though they may well be made in the same factory, they may not be made on the same line…with each production line making its own recipe, and at the end? different labels.

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